The real world is terrifying - I want to live in a movie.
But like, a happy, cheesy, Disney movie. Not a movie like Requiem for a Dream. That stuff is scary shit.
--
Oh. And it turns out that all that I needed to turn me away from IB again was some rejection, ha. I should be glad though. If I can't even make it through first-rounds, there's no way I'd survive superday. Not to mention the time drain it would be.
Speaking of which, looking for internships is such a time suck. I worry about school. I worry about interviews. I worry that I worry too much... I'm going to die young from this stress, I just know it. The funny thing is, I don't even have that much of a reason to be stressed. I'm getting a college education from a good school, I have my family, I have my friends, I have a roof over my head, I don't have to worry about money, I don't have any terrible health concerns, I don't live in a society where getting my hands bitten off by bullet ants is a rite of passage... It's the kind of life where people would say that you've got everything going for you, or at the very least, all the basic ingredients to get everything going. And yet I'm unsatisfied, and I worry.
I bet I would worry if I lived in a Disney movie. Those characters go through some crazy stuff. But I guess it's just comforting knowing that, since it's Disney, there will be a happy ending - no exceptions. I guess I'd just like to have that guarantee. Funny, this was kind of what my college admissions essay was about - believing in a happy ending - my happy ending - even if things don't turn out the way I expect them to. I suppose I should try live by that belief.
So apparently I like to ramble. But you knew that already.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
New Years Resolution
I tend to set new years resolutions only after the new year has begun, and only as I happen to think of them.
Well, I thought of my first one:
Pay attention in class. Strive to be an active listener.
Well, I thought of my first one:
Pay attention in class. Strive to be an active listener.
IB and Mother Night
Recently, I've started interviewing with investment banks, and in doing so, I think I've come to feel the weight of the infamous words of Mother Night: You are who you pretend to be. Preparing answers for questions like "Why do you want to be an investment banker?" is starting to actually make me want to be a banker. Well, kind of. I feel like my answers make sense, and that I agree with them, and that I really can relate to them. Which seems kind of silly to me, since I come up with these answers by reading blogs which tell you how to answer these kinds of questions. So it seems like it's completely external - I wasn't even the one to come up with these reasons! But I guess I've slowly been internalizing these lines as I prepare. After all, I have to believe myself first, if anyone else is going to believe me, right?
And, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure I like what's happening. I feel like I'm getting tricked or something.
Although... one aspect of banking has unexpectedly turned me off. The fact that my interviewers were so young.. and wearing suits... It's weird - in my head, I've always liked the idea of being an important person in a suit. But do I really want to wear a suit to work everyday? I like how this is what my concern is. And by "like" here, I really mean "can't believe/wth is wrong with me?" I am such a weirdo.
And, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure I like what's happening. I feel like I'm getting tricked or something.
Although... one aspect of banking has unexpectedly turned me off. The fact that my interviewers were so young.. and wearing suits... It's weird - in my head, I've always liked the idea of being an important person in a suit. But do I really want to wear a suit to work everyday? I like how this is what my concern is. And by "like" here, I really mean "can't believe/wth is wrong with me?" I am such a weirdo.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Reconnections
I reconnected with an old friend today.
If you know me, you probably know that I haven't exactly been the best about keeping in touch with all my high school friends. It's kind of unfortunate, but it's kind of just the way life works. There are certain people that I really care about staying friends with though. And it makes me sad to think that some of them have been slipping through my fingers. Not that it's not partially my fault, as I don't always make the effort to reach out.
This makes me reflect on my time at Rice. I worry that I'm not making the most of my time, and that five years from now, I won't have the friends or memories to give me comfort on a lonely night. The feeling of nostalgia is much sweeter when you have someone to share it with.
Being off campus this year has been especially taxing on the amount of interaction I've had with my friends. It's just not the same when everyone doesn't live, sleep, eat, function in the same building.
I'm not exactly sure which college friends I'll still be close to in five years, but I hope the important relationships will stand true. I hope that there'll still be people that I care about, and who care about me.
In short, reconnecting felt really good. I guess that's what the holidays are all about.
Happy Thanksgiving.
If you know me, you probably know that I haven't exactly been the best about keeping in touch with all my high school friends. It's kind of unfortunate, but it's kind of just the way life works. There are certain people that I really care about staying friends with though. And it makes me sad to think that some of them have been slipping through my fingers. Not that it's not partially my fault, as I don't always make the effort to reach out.
This makes me reflect on my time at Rice. I worry that I'm not making the most of my time, and that five years from now, I won't have the friends or memories to give me comfort on a lonely night. The feeling of nostalgia is much sweeter when you have someone to share it with.
Being off campus this year has been especially taxing on the amount of interaction I've had with my friends. It's just not the same when everyone doesn't live, sleep, eat, function in the same building.
I'm not exactly sure which college friends I'll still be close to in five years, but I hope the important relationships will stand true. I hope that there'll still be people that I care about, and who care about me.
In short, reconnecting felt really good. I guess that's what the holidays are all about.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Darwin Day Mystery Resolved!
So Michael solved the mystery of the Darwin book: http://www.usnews.com/blogs/god-and-country/2009/10/30/how-creationist-origin-distorts-darwin.html
That's disappointing. And unsettling. And now I feel conned and swindled. Although, I do feel better that I have the book than if someone else were to have the book. Someone who would read the introduction and be easily influenced, that is.
Really though, I have to question the effectiveness of this campaign. I mean, seriously, how many people feel the need to read On the Origin of the Species (my roommate aside), even if it is free? It's not exactly leisure reading material.
I guess the the people they're trying to reach are the scientists who firmly believe in evolution. Because those are the people who might actually be interested in reading the book. And Ray Comfort hopes that his introduction will magically sway their opinions.
I suppose that might work.. I did consider reading the introduction - it seemed innocent enough at first glance. I still might read it just for shits and giggles. But that might just make me angry. And you don't want to know what happens when I'm angry...
Just kidding. About being the Hulk, not about anything else.
Man, I'm not sure what to do with this book now. The article mentioned book burning, which sounds appealing. But... I don't believe in burning books. A little too Qin Shihuang for me. But I feel embarrassed having it on my shelf. And it takes up space. And and... I just feel it's a waste of paper. And ink. And time, and money, and resources. It's more of a waste than I am - and that's saying something. ;)
And... WTF AM I DOING BLOGGING WHEN I HAVE A PROJECT THAT IS EFFECTIVELY DUE IN LESS THAN SIX AND A HALF HOURS?
Apparently, I only feel the need to blog when I really need to be doing other things.
Just another way of procrastinating, I guess. I must really hate myself, haha.
More to blog about later: People discovering their true passions in college (cheesy, I know. Don't have the time right now to make it sound cool.)
That's disappointing. And unsettling. And now I feel conned and swindled. Although, I do feel better that I have the book than if someone else were to have the book. Someone who would read the introduction and be easily influenced, that is.
Really though, I have to question the effectiveness of this campaign. I mean, seriously, how many people feel the need to read On the Origin of the Species (my roommate aside), even if it is free? It's not exactly leisure reading material.
I guess the the people they're trying to reach are the scientists who firmly believe in evolution. Because those are the people who might actually be interested in reading the book. And Ray Comfort hopes that his introduction will magically sway their opinions.
I suppose that might work.. I did consider reading the introduction - it seemed innocent enough at first glance. I still might read it just for shits and giggles. But that might just make me angry. And you don't want to know what happens when I'm angry...
Just kidding. About being the Hulk, not about anything else.
Man, I'm not sure what to do with this book now. The article mentioned book burning, which sounds appealing. But... I don't believe in burning books. A little too Qin Shihuang for me. But I feel embarrassed having it on my shelf. And it takes up space. And and... I just feel it's a waste of paper. And ink. And time, and money, and resources. It's more of a waste than I am - and that's saying something. ;)
And... WTF AM I DOING BLOGGING WHEN I HAVE A PROJECT THAT IS EFFECTIVELY DUE IN LESS THAN SIX AND A HALF HOURS?
Apparently, I only feel the need to blog when I really need to be doing other things.
Just another way of procrastinating, I guess. I must really hate myself, haha.
More to blog about later: People discovering their true passions in college (cheesy, I know. Don't have the time right now to make it sound cool.)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Darwin Day
Darwin Day is February 12...
So why did someone tell me "Happy Darwin Day" and hand me a copy of On the Origin of the Species in West Lot today??
Maybe he missed the memo.
So why did someone tell me "Happy Darwin Day" and hand me a copy of On the Origin of the Species in West Lot today??
Maybe he missed the memo.
Leonid Afremov
Today, through wasting far too much time on Facebook, I discovered the paintings of Leonid Afremov.
I love the colors. And the impressionistic element. Everything, together. I just can't get over it.
Of course, his style, and even subject matter, tends to be very consistent, which also makes his pieces somewhat repetitive. Nonetheless, an amazing artist. Not that it's for me to judge, of course. Check out his gallery for yourself. Let me know what you think.
I love the colors. And the impressionistic element. Everything, together. I just can't get over it.
Of course, his style, and even subject matter, tends to be very consistent, which also makes his pieces somewhat repetitive. Nonetheless, an amazing artist. Not that it's for me to judge, of course. Check out his gallery for yourself. Let me know what you think.
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